Northern Ireland Blood Bank Notice

Northern Ireland Health Minister Edwin Poots has been in the news for saying he thought that people who engage in high risk sexual behaviour in general should be excluded from giving blood. In addition, he went ahead and named these categories as gay people, prostitutes and people who have had sex in Africa. I wont get into the whole recklessness of his statement and stuff, and the stemming racism issues for now. If you want to read the article you can do so here... What I am imagining is what is contained in the notices at blood donation centres in Northern Ireland.

Here is what I think they contain.

NOTICE TO ALL BLOOD DONORS

Thank you for choosing to donate blood to the Northern Ireland Blood Bank. We are always grateful to donors who help save lives of other human beings who need the blood. We welcome all people without reckless sexual behavior with open arms. However the persons in the categories below are NOT allowed to donate blood in this (or any other) blood donation facility in Northern Ireland.

1) Persons who have had sex with a gay person, persons who have had sex with someone who has had sex with a gay person, or persons who have had sex with someone who has had sex with someone who had peeped at gay people having sex. Persons in the last category should actually not even use public toilets. That is extremely reckless sexual behaviour.

2) Persons who have had sex with a prostitute, with anyone who knows a prostitute, or who have masturbated to any images/ videos/ memories of prostitutes. Persons who have stared at prostitutes for longer than one minute also fall in this category and should be placed under observation by Centre for Disease Control, fetish division.

3) Persons who have had sex with Africans, persons who have had sex IN Africa, persons who have had sex while facing Africa or while listening to the song Africa by Toto; or while sitting on any item with an African map are also disqualified. Persons who have had sex while holding dolls of Mufasa are also included in this category.

4) Persons who have ever listened to sexual healing by Marvin Gay are also disqualifiied for association with a man whose parents called him Gay, thus acknowledging his reckless sexual behavior.

5) Persons who have had sex with any African Song like Femi Kuti's Beng Beng Beng playing in the background. That is reckless sexual behavior of the group "African" and thus disqualifies any potential donor until they do a full medical to show they did not get any musically transmitted STDs.

5) Persons who have ever drank coffee called Out Of Africa. That is a declaration that you were out of Africa recently. Persons who however take their Out Of Africa coffee white are exempt from this list. Persons who take their Out Of Africa Coffee black are disqualified. Out of Africa and an obvious preference for Black is too much of a coincidence.

Please TAKE NOTE of these conditions very seriously before offering to donate blood. All donors will be thoroughly screened for the same before their blood is accepted. Your cooperation is highly appreciated.

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