Irate Students Force Long Skirt To Undergo Cut ...
A long skirt was found badly mutilated by a group of school girls in the outskirts of Nairobi (they had to choose the outskirts for the act). The act is is said to have been carried out by an irate mob of High school girls from a school within the central region. The skirt is suspected to have been a member of a gang of long skirts that has been hiding legs of high school girls - legs which have been crying out for freedom in the last few days. An eye-witness said the skirt got what it deserved having deprived the legs of their freedom for long periods of time. It is believed the skirt was way-laid on its way down the ankles when the irate mob struck, creasing it mercilessly before badly mutilating it. It is also believed the mob also forcefully conducted the feared cut on the victim.
Horrified skirts have now been seen pulling up their hems in a bid to avoid the same fate as the victim which was dished out by the irate students who have resorted to taking the law into their own hands. The skirts which are now shaking around the knees have appealed to the government to protect them. In a shocking statement however, the Minister for Education released a 69 page statement in open support of the students who conducted the henoius act. Speaking from thighland, Mutura Key Lonzo said that he agreed fully with the sentiments expressed by the students who mutilated the poor skirt. He said he was man enough to openly support what the students were fighting for and advised them not to relent in fighting acts of cruelty as those dished out by members of the gang of long skirts.
"“I am in total agreement with them (students). Why would a long skirt want to deprive the world of these young legs? These girls do not want to be nuns; they want to be modern and like Mutura!” said Mr. Mutura Key lonzo. He said legs which needed to be freed did not need to break any windows but instead they should "talk to us we will look into it."
In a quick rejoinder however, the spokesperson for the banned Kenya Long Skirts Association, Mr. SeriousKo Kbloka said the act was an affront on the right to live guaranteed by the constitution of Kenya for all Kenyans. Speaking while hiding a set of hairy legs, the spokesperson said, "We are disgusted by the act by the girls and more so by the support shown by the Minister! They cannot take the law into their own hands. We cannot allow one of our own to be mutilated while others cheer the mob on. This stinks from thigh above and all the way down. It is our duty to defend ourselves and our kind from such acts. If the minister has a
boner bone to pick with us, he better cum come out openly and declare so."
The MP has however not reacted to this statement and is expected to issue a press statement later today. Residents from his constituency however rushed to his defence and said the Minister is looking at their interests as he should. The Minister who strongly supported the girls and expressed the need for others to do so - hails from Mbooni constituency (which I will NOT translate what it means in Sheng) - an area which is known for suffering from serious dry spells that sometimes last all year long. Residents from the area rejoiced at the statement saying that elimination of long skirts would encourage rain and - by extension - wetness which would be good for the Mbooni area. Similar sentiments were also expressed by residents of Wanyee and even in Kakuma in Northern Kenya.
We will continue to share details on this story as it continues to unfold.